Mischief Makers

[heirtothearcane]

The two of them stood at the edge of the path as though they were gazing out upon some mighty abyss and not a manicured lawn. This moment felt more momentous than it looked. At least to Viatorus. Hands in his pockets, he stared down at the 'please keep off the grass' sign with the furrowed brow of a man weighing up some grave moral dilemmas. In contrast his sister stood beside him with the impassive stare of their father. She also kept her hands in her pockets, since she wasn't using magic to keep them warm. That usually meant she was tired, or that she didn't approve.

"Are you just going to look at it?" She asked after a while.

"No." His words were pouting, and he didn't move. Not immediately.

Isidor turned her critical gaze onto him and he squirmed under it for a short while before finally heaving a deep breath. He took one long step onto the grass and turned around to face his thoroughly unimpressed sister.

They stared at each other for about two seconds before he said, "This feels stupid."

"That's because it is stupid," she replied without missing a beat.

Viatorus shifted on the spot, waiting for some indeterminate time so that the mischief ‘counted’. "Should I… pray to him then?"

Isidor's expression didn't give away anything other than that she was cold. It didn't need to when her tone said it all. "If you pray to him, he'll appear, and he'll laugh at you."

He thought about this for a second. "Isn't that rather the point with a god of mischief?"

"What an impression you'll make. Is this really how you want to be known? 'Viatorus, the man who walks on grass'." The air of superiority she put on remained for a moment and then, for the first time, her stony demeanour cracked. She stifled a smile. And then a laugh. "Grasswalker."

Viatorus turned beet red. "Don't ca-!"

"Hey!" A voice bellowed out across the courtyard. It belonged to an older man who began striding over, waving at the two of them. "Get off the grass!"

The man might as well have cast a spell with the way Viatorus leapt off the lawn and back onto the pavement. Without another word he immediately headed to the gates while his sister laughed behind him.

"It's alright! He's just summoning an ancient god of mischief!" Her cackle echoed through the courtyard and lingered on her face long after they moved on.

After much driving and walking back and forth through London, they eventually found a ‘no loitering’ sign. With no boundary to physically cross, it was a little easier for Viatorus to place himself under the sign and… wait. He shuffled from one position to another, deciding at the last second not to lean on the grimy wall, and only managing to mimic his sister’s folded arms for half a minute before shoving his hands in his pockets again. Isidor didn’t help, standing across the path and observing with a perfectly arched eyebrow.

“Is… this… loitering?” It didn’t feel like he was doing anything. “Does this count?”

Isidor stared for a full minute before concluding, “You look like you’re about to ask someone for directions. And then get mugged. Maybe by Loki. But be too timid to say anything.”

Viatorus decided that he should, perhaps, not call to Loki with that offering. So they wandered around the city, looking for inspiration. As they passed monuments and statues, Viatorus suggested that he could climb on one. His case was not helped by pointing out a nearby statue of a lion which already had a young woman lounging on it as she contorted her face into selfie-acceptable standards.

“Yes,” drawled Isidor. “Utterly deviant.”

They were running out of ideas when they stopped for tea. Viatorus was starting to get desperate and eyed the cups of two of the other customers. He could swap their cups, he suggested. One of them might have dietary requirements, Isidor pointed out. That was the end of that.

Eventually he collapsed into a groan. “I need ideas.”

“You’re asking the wrong person.” Isidor puffed a dry laugh and looked out the window as she nursed her coffee. “The last time I did anything remotely mischievous was when I tricked Harrowheart into thinking a paperweight was a guardian golem. I’m not sure he even fully believed me… What?”

She had turned back to see her brother looking at her with a broad smile. How was she expected to not become immediately suspicious?

“You’re a genius,” he told her and pulled out his phone. “We don’t know how to be silly, or cheeky, but Harrowheart…”

Isidor’s face settled into one of neutral understanding. “Harrowheart’s an expert.”

✾ - ✾ - ✾

Soon after, Harrowheart gets a text. It’s been a long day and the revelation is exciting, so Viatorus gets straight to the point: “Harrowheart, I need a lesson on how to be mischievous.”

Comments

[westfallcorndog]

A duck is quacking from somewhere in Harrowheart's cape pocket.

It's convenient having a mystical, multiversal phone when you're from a world with no cell service. It's less convenient when it loudly goes off while you're trying to stand watch for your knightly order. As a guard of Acherus he's meant to be ominous! And ominous means silent!

Harrowheart awakens from his half-sleeping vigil and plunges his floating hand into his pocket in a hurry.

Viatorus? Needs a lesson on being... Excuse him, what is that word? A trip to a digital dictionary later and he's laughing to himself, shaking his head.

All these years and you have learned nothing from me.

But it isn't fair to keep him waiting like that!

I have been waiting for this day.

What is your quest? Who are you pranking and why?

[heirtothearcane]

I have to impress a trickster god so that he will meet Runa. He's one of her gods and I made a deal with him, but I need to do something fitting as a kind of prayer.

Viatorus thinks for half a second before adding, Isidor is not being very helpful, and I'm no good at this.

[westfallcorndog]

Of course because Isidor is not helpful and not fun please tell her I said that btw.

That's the easy part out of the way. The rest is a thinker! Harrow leans his head against his oversized pauldron and stares across the water over which Acherus floats. Impressing a trickster god with pranks...

The best way to impress a trickster is to trick them. If you can be sneekier and smarter then them then you will get a laugh out of them and that is the best trick you can play on a trickster to make them laugh of course.

That's self-evident, right? But a vision if Viatorus floats across Harrow's mind and he remembers the cloth from which he is attempting to sew a jester's hat. His free hand rubs at his forehead, then up through his hair.

You won't like this but the best pranks are lies. You role over and show you're belly like you are defeated and they always fall for it. They think they have won and that is when you do the sneek attack. Ask Isidor if this is true she will think about it and I bet she will say I am right or not say I am right but make a face which means I am right and she will not admit it because she likes to be more right.

[heirtothearcane]

Upon reading that first part, Viatorus looks up from his phone and considers relaying the message for about half a second before Isidor arches a quizzical eyebrow at him and he turns back to his phone instead.

Only to choke back a laugh at Harrowheart's correct assessment of his sister.

This time he gets Isidor's full attention. "Whatever he's saying about me, tell him I'm going to make him write lines on a chalkboard and then make him eat his words. Literally."

Viatorus coughs his laugh away and starts typing back. She is going to give you a very Isidor punishment if you keep making me laugh at her expense.

But you know I am terrible at lying. I get nervous that people will be upset and then I can't be sneaky or lie. I always give it away somehow. Is there another way?

[westfallcorndog]

A very Isidor punishment would

He gets as far as typing that before for once in his miserable unlife Harrowheart stops to think. Viatorus doesn't need to know his opinions on what Isidor's so-called attempts at punishment or anger do to him. Better to erase it and start fresh. He is being consulted as an expert right now, after all! Practically a scholar in the art of mischief! He has a duty to uphold with honor!

Another knight clops leisurely by on undead horseback. He eyes Harrow and his distracting little light box, and Harrow stares through him. Both of them accept that there will be no conversation, and each continues with their work.

You are denying the best solution Viatorus. It is the hardest path to walk but the most satisfying but still their may be another way.

Think, think... What could Viatorus do?

Even a small and boreing prank can be powerful if it is preformed on a powerful person for example your father. Trick him into something stupid like putting his eye to a telliscope but you put black grease on the eye part so then he gets a big black eye

A few seconds pass before another, pivotally important text:

lmao

[heirtothearcane]

There is a moment where Viatorus stops to imagine the Archon looking into a telescope, only to come away with a black ring around his eye. Whatever tiny thrill of amusement it brings is countered by the dread of what would inevitably follow. A slow and grinding gulp forces its way down his throat.

With Isidor on high alert, Viatorus has to do everything in his power not to look up from his phone again. Would Isidor do?

[westfallcorndog]

The answer is almost instantaneous:

Yes!

Then in a furious flurry of fingers Harrowheart sets out explaining.

You must not let her know! You cannot trick her soon. You need time so she will forget. Good mischiev is to play the Long Con. Better mischiev is if the victim sees they're trap but does not know it is a trap. The best mischiev is if the person you have tricked does not know they have been tricked and even better maybe thinks you tried and failed. Only later will they realize you have tricked them. But Viatorus beware...

The time between texts stretches on. Could Harrowheart really be taking so long to reply? Or is he getting a little rise out of making Viatorus wait? He is the sensei of mischief, after all...

Mischiev means no punishment. It does not mean people won't try to punish you but it means the punishment has to not bother you. I can prank and trick you're sister all the time because I am not afraid of her punishments lol. But if you do a prank and someone gets revenge or punishes you you cannot be mad or sad or even scared. You have to laugh and except it or get more revenge! If you complain it is not mischiev it is just being a little winey pest. If you laugh you win even when you lose. A GOD will know if you are not comited to the prank so be brave and laugh.

[heirtothearcane]

Oh wow, the more Harrowheart writes the worse his spelling becomes. He's making Viatorus work for these answers! Several times the scholar finds himself half mouthing the sentences just to make sure he's reading them correctly.

Despite the awkward spelling, the advice seems sound... for advice on pranking. It gives Viatorus a lot to think about. He doesn't want to wait too long, and that's partially for selfish reasons. Even with all the anxiety that comes with dealing with a foreign god and trying something so unnatural to him, he's looking forward to seeing Runa's reaction. It's easy for her to do things to make him happy, but this will be one of the rare occasions he gets to make her smile. He hopes. Either way, he's excited for it.

Harrowheart is right, though. He's going to have to commit, consequences be damned. Loki will know if his offering is half hearted.

This is all very good advice. Is there anything else I should know? Any ideas? Any more words of wisdom?

[westfallcorndog]

Viatorus I have never had an idea in my life but thank you for asking it means a lot to me now good luck with the prank and tell me all about it if you survive

Yes, Harrowheart decides, that's sufficiently ominous. No time like the present for Viatorus to start building up the courage he's going to need. He silences his phone, stows it away in his pocket once more, and returns to his sleepy-eyed duty.