A letter for miss Verity Willis

[heirtothearcane]

The envelope and letter are both extremely high quality paper, champagne in colour and rich to the touch. It seems almost odd then that it is otherwise so simple. Viatorus had spent far longer than he should have needed to, to try and find stationary on hand that didn't proudly display the family crest on every page. No, this... this was just him. A full envelope containing several pages of his best intentions.

Unlike all his other writing, he has clearly made a valiant effort to write beautifully and consistently, despite his habit of scrawling, rapidly changing handwriting. There was time put into this. And care. The last dregs of a currently exhausted man to bridge a gap of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Talking hadn't worked. Perhaps a letter would. 

Perhaps.

It reads as follows:


Dear Verity,

A letter might seem disrespectful or cowardly, but though I would certainly never claim bravery, I wish to assure you that I mean no offence. I hope to express the opposite, in fact. Our past few conversations have been unmitigated disasters. I am shamefully aware that this is in no small part due to my own inability to handle stressful situations with the grace and dignity that they deserve. In deference to this, I have decided to write to you so that I might be able to communicate with infinitely more clarity than I stutter. With this in mind, I ask that you don't condemn what I say for any cruelty or rudeness because it is delivered to you in this way.

Firstly, and most importantly, I must apologise for a number of things. My behaviour in the Forum when you came to comfort me was inexcusable. I do not feel I was in my right mind; which is not an excuse. To imagine acting such a way now is simply horrifying. While it was not my intention to cause you harm, I understand that I acted irrationally, rudely, and ungratefully. I embarrassed both of us regardless of the fact that you asked for me to stop, which I deeply regret. I should add that my transformation into the worgen form was unintentional and I apologise if it caused you distress. It certainly surprised and confused me.

My actions during our conversation prior to that were no better. I should not have dragged you into a discussion with which you were so uncomfortable. Neither should I have subjected you to such a self-centred whining of entirely personal matters. You did not deserve to be forced to listen to that. My traditions, and my opinions on them, are my own. As are my issues with myself. When I expressed them, I did not mean to upset you. They were an ill revised rambling of something rarely said aloud, but deeply known. If I had even suspected that they would surface in such an outburst I would have gone to great lengths to ensure that they didn't.

My abrupt departure on both occasions were the kindest things I did, despite leaving our friendship in an unfortunate state. It seems that even the smallest pressure renders me unable to communicate effectively. Each time I left I was, and still am, certain that my continued presence would only have caused further harm. Considering the consequences of what I have already done so far, I dread to think what the outcome might have been.

Next I should apologise for my absence, for not contacting you sooner. Perhaps I should not, as it may bring you more relief than hearing from me. I seem to only cause you further grief on top of what you have already endured. That has been a great concern to me. I have no one else like you in my life. Driving you away, hurting you, are the last things I ever wanted to do. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and for you to smile. All I ever seem to do is bring you pain and sorrow. Not knowing how to resolve this, I have stayed away. Not knowing what you want, I have stayed away. The more I try to do, the worse it gets. The more I try to help, to fix it, the more I hurt you.

Regretfully, I must confess that I feel I should keep my distance.* My feelings are extremely confused at this point in time. Rather than cause you further undue distress, I wish to take time to sort these feelings to become a better person. After much consideration I have come to realise that my affection for you must be tempered. You do not want it, and you are very practical in keeping 'what could have been' at a distance, considering my situation, and how poorly I have treated you. It has taken me a long time to recall that what we feel and what we know to be realistic are two very different things. I understand now that even if you felt as you say you did, you could not see any life in it. That, I understand. Truly, I do. You must know that. I do know that I have so very little to offer someone who could have so much, someone who deserves so much. There is nothing good to be had from loving me. You knew that, and in my confused haze, I did not know you knew that. I will not talk about my feelings towards you, because I know you do not want to know. It is why you passed over my attempted explanation to try and move on, something that at first frustrated and upset me deeply, but I understand now. Instead, I promise to honour the decision you made before this ever came up, and put aside all talk of romance in favour of being realistic. How I loathe realism, but... it is practical, and it is what you have chosen. I have been so disrespectful this past while that I would not dare disrespect this. Not now that I finally understand how to stop hurting you.

These events have made me understand that my behaviour towards you has been inappropriate at times, and I that I clearly need to re-evaluate how I compose myself around others. As such I am engaging in lessons which I missed in my younger days to better acquaint myself with proper social protocol as is appropriate. My social faux pas' have cost me dearly. I value your friendship more than you know and I am determined to learn from this. Whether or not we meet again, I could not even begin to guess, but perhaps next time I will have learned how to act as I should have in the first place: With grace, and dignity.

I hope this letter finds you well and that you are happy despite my contribution.

Yours sincerely,
Viatorus Atlas Durant.


*(Reading back on that, I may sound presumptuous. You might want never to see me again, so you might be glad of this, but I do not mean to presume to know your opinions on the matter.)

Comments

[brave_heart_verity]

Verity doesn't have fancy stationary, or fancy handwriting, or the willingness to leave her darling friend in suspense. There isn't much to say anyway. Just three little words, scrawled across a piece of paper and tucked in an envelope delivered to his new office she's never seen.

Darling,
I miss you.
-Ver

What he does now is entirely up to him.

[heirtothearcane]

Fin.